Survival.

The room was saturated with the smell of gluttony.

The night was filled with hunger instantly. The eyes on her were no longer human, they were beast; examining her flesh, imaging her as a thick cut piece of meat laid out before them. Not once did she flinch.

She was hunted and caught, and it was as she knew it would be; quickly and clumsily.

She was groomed for this and knew the smell she would leave tangled in these anonymous sheets, this wilderness.  She still wondered if the scent of her fuelled them to hunt again.

She moved in familiar rhythm with someone unfamiliar; it pounced without grace and she folded with plastic flattery.

She bucked,
arched,
rolled,
writhed.
She screamed in agony.

Satisfied, he rolled onto his back, stroking his distended belly.
He glanced at her defiled carcass and tossed it some scraps.

The first chance she had, she slunk away into the cover of night.
She had managed to guarantee her existence for another day.

You do what you have to, to survive in the wild.

nowordsrequired.

Get over yourself.

I opened my eyes.
Submerged in a bathtub of a sleazy hotel in London.
I looked for god in the water.

The cracks in the ceiling grew deeper with every question.
I would play checkers with myself.
I spilled coffee on my sheets, and watched in fascination as the stain told me my future.

I slept in nothing but skin.
I used a found notepad to scribble down thoughts,
which were cliched and drenched in imagery.

My First Time.

It was an abyss, you and I.
I had hollowed out a space within me that was just your size and shape and colour.

You were my first, my 1 of 2.
I was your first, your second of many.

My hair grew longer, quickly.

I could never drink enough to think you were clever,
You drank enough to make our mistakes.

My eyes, once looking forward, now only saw the ground.
I slipped further into a wooden box that was fully lined with lace.

You told me I was prettier when I cried.

I thought you would use your hands to hold mine
but they dug at me, deepening the hollow, leaving a space for me that grew smaller and smaller.

Along my dresser stood expensive soldiers of indiscretion.
You stopped looking me in the eye when we kissed.

You left us in the inky dark.
I washed my sheets at midnight.

What I wish I said.

I should have told you this from the start.
It won't be worth it, and you won't be worth more.
You'll lose time and freedom, reality and innocence, sleep, confidence, life.
You're dooming yourself to a life of knowing too much, seeing too little and hiding all the time.
You'll walk shorter, forever, from now on.
Your bones will ache, your face will age and your hands will betray you.
Talent, intelligence and morality will fall by the wayside.
You'll become someone you hate.

You'll hurt for years.



You can't undo this.

Oblivion

I walk out in front of a car. I stroll onto a busy city street and fail to notice the oncoming stream of traffic until headlights are blinding me whilst I lie on a wet, shiny black bed of bad luck. Im not injured. But whilst the taxi driver is checking the bumper of his car for damage and people are milling around to see the blonde who's parents forgot to teach her the basic rule of looking right then left then right once more, I'm trying to see if I've snapped the heel of my shoe. A pair of hand grabs me around the waist and helps me up, I dont even bother to look who it is, I just start to gather my bags, the contents of which were purchased in an effort to turn this week around. They cushioned my fall after all I guess.
The taxi man has gotten in his car to escape the abuse of an older woman for not learning how to drive properly, and several people are now trying to calm her down. In the midst of embarrassing commotion, I crash and dash.

...

There is only enough words in this language to skim the surface of what I think of you.

Each adjective is too shallow, without enough dimension to be accurate.

Every dialect lacks the expansion I need for you.

When using these words against you, all meaning changes and somehow they seem irrelevant or powerless.