Sheltered.

Stainless words like razorblades,
I'm mostly sure that they are mine
flicker in the back of my mind
like a rain drenched 3am.
Twine and string of inadequacy and boredom,
smoothed by my curling fingers,
strand by strand into a beautiful braid
of never again
and I wish I never had.
The walls now smell like my old tweed coat,
just because you hated it,
and the dishes reek of your pin stripe suit
because they are all so fucking dirty.

Heave.

Weighing down each strand of hair,
the aching truth of being half alive.
I'll forever sit in the shade of dripping
whores and sleep in a rocky divide.

Blushing.

The deepest blue you have ever seen
translating me into this.

There are days I sleep through purposely
just for some pain relief,
the glass I set on the doorknob has never
shattered through my dreams.
Those lines I like to cross knowingly
show how close we could have been,
so I let my wounds breathe beneath blankets
of all our tasteless histories.

I follow packs of dogs through woods,

jealous of their warm bodies.

Victorious.

I told myself
when the sun hits the pavement,
you can breathe again.
I said
this time you aren't the
rotten fruit
at the bottom of the box.
This time,
darling
it looks less like you
and more like him.
This time,
this fucking time,
I didn't let us down.

Ago.

Comes through sweet
like bloody roses
but it kicks me
just like a horse,
it pulses violently
through crowds
like a whores' battery
filled toy.
I get just a little bit
worn waiting
when the kill
has already been found,
it's a hell on earth
bloodbath
we roll around in
on the ground.

We both know how
how to paint this
canvas black
a skill which we
just cant ignore.

Unconscious.

Good morning

my intertwining nightmare,
the galloping ruins of a person
I did not become.

Hello
my unfolding calamity,
my lessons unlearned in
dire uncertainty.
I heard the whispers
that you could be coming,
saw the fire in the sky.
I can taste your salty betrayal
sharp on my tongue
and see my face crumbling
away in the mirror.

Crisp.

Looking through all these years,

searching through all the layers.

This feeling, it explodes through me,

and it chases away

and it runs away,

it's infectious

and hopeless

and desperate

and homeless.

Those moments weren't lost on me,

I'm grasping at nothing,

whole pages disappearing

in this cold wind storm.

So long long long ago

without you,

I heard you,

I kissed you,

I felt you.

These are whole letters addressed to me,

with my name in your writing

my laughter in your typing.

Catching myself getting caught in

examples of broken,

the damage

of reckless,

the theory

of cotton.